Why every school should have a Queer-Straight Alliance

Going to meetings can be a helpful deciding factor for fresh young potential queer kids who want to test out the waters of their possible new sexual orientation.

It is an open environment. As per the title, you don't have to be queer by any means in order to join. No person is forced to reveal how they identify, so it's a low-pressure, welcoming option for everyone.

Meetings can be great social events! This is especially true if you don't know the queer community in your school very well, & are seeking to get to know potential romantic interests.

The QSA transmits information about relevant events, conferences, protests, readings, workshops, etc. It keeps its members informed about anything in the area which might be of interest to them.

It offers members an opportunity to plug their queer projects (Cadence, Chavery & I just brought up this blog at a QSA meeting - hey there, new readers from our school!).

QSAs are capable of some of the more creative school fundraisers - bake sale with penis pastries & butch & femme cupcakes, anyone?

It opens up your mind, plain & simple. Last year, before I was even an official member, I went to a reading the QSA held with S Bear Bergman. I ended up loving what I heard, bought hir book immediately, & have read & reread it many times since. (Perhaps I will write a full review later...)

It's fun! I don't even like school clubs/organizations, but I have so much fun at QSA meetings.

Moral of the story: if your school doesn't have one, you should make one, stat!

MCS

When you see an acronym like MCS, you think of some incurable affliction, do you not? A terrible, drawn out suffering?
I'll say the first part is correct. Multiple Crush Syndrome is a serious condition, mostly resulting in an annoying amount of daydreaming, confusion, & jealousy from thy beloved. People affected by this syndrome are usually too wrapped up in checking people out & gushing over one person only to have another stroll into the room, that they lose track of all trains of thought & comprehension. Often in a day, they will pass by 10 previous & current admired people, & as each passes by they will inevitably sway a bit from reality, caught up in the moment. Imagine having all of your ex-lovers in a school where the population is under 1000 kids & you're still not over any of them. It's like that.
It's a long road to getting over, & part of it can only be helped by age & maturity. When you're older, you might decide to try commitment (to find it not satisfactory), but in some cases, the crushers will find themselves becoming Polyamorous. Sometimes, the creation of code-names will help ease the social stress of one potential lover (or current lover) walking into a room while you are gushing about them or another. Themes for code-names: Drinks, Cities, names that night seem to suit them, etc...

Life afterwards:
Great. Chances are 1/2 that you will turn out happy. If nothing else, you always have someone to think of on those coooold nights.

ps. I never seemed to have this problem when I was "straight"...

Something Different

This is a video that has only previously been released as part of a DVD of my concert at Heliconian Hall last year. (There is another one being held in a couple of months - click here for details if you're interested.) I wrote this song about coming out as bisexual - the story, the feelings, the aftermath. This video shows the first time I ever played it in public, which is how I came out to most of my family.



It was the middle of May & I was content just to be myself
Couldn't have paid me to spend a day as anybody else
Stepped out into the world - imagine my surprise:
I looked upon someone special with fresh eyes

It's hard to say these things out loud... but
She was a girl
I was shocked, I couldn't believe
& I thought: well, this is news to me

So I got right back on track, though I didn't know where I was supposed to go
She made me blush, she made me stutter - h-h-h-h-hello
I found out girls are different - they're a lot more free
It's not as much about the chase, or about my body (not that there's very much to see)

It's hard to say these things out loud... but
She was a girl
I was shocked, I couldn't believe
& I thought: what does she think of me?

I thought long & hard about what I should do
Maybe those little smiles meant she liked me too
So I took a chance & told her what I couldn't hide
Let me tell you, it was so exciting, I could've died

& she was a girl
Oh boy, was she a girl
& I learned something 'bout myself that I had never known before
Which is that boys & boys & boys & boys & more boys can get to be a bore
Sometimes I want something different than what I'm used to
& sometimes she is there & she is wanting me too

Bisexual Angst

I don't like the fact that I am bisexual.

Oh, goodness knows I love being queer. I love the scene, the people, the events, the movies, the books, the history, the struggle for equality, the art, the clubs, the implications. But more often than not, I think to myself: I wish I were a lesbian.

I don't know about other bisexuals, but I have many problems with this label. Here are a few of my gripes:

1. I constantly get defensive whenever anyone accuses me of being straight or gay. It terrifies me to think that anyone would assume either way, thereby cutting off my romantic/sexual options. I always feel like I'm balancing on a log which rolls one way or the other, trying desperately to keep myself perfectly poised in the middle. It would be so nice to be able to confidently say, "Yes, I'm straight," or "I'm gay," without having to tediously explain & justify the entire middle ground.

2. Often, bisexuals are not respected by the straight community or the gay community. Either they think we are doing it for attention/going through a phase, or they think we can't commit to a single relationship, or they think we're confused, or all of the above. (Admittedly, I am confused, but that doesn't mean I always will be - & most bisexuals aren't.)

3. Currently, I'd rather be in a romantic relationship with a man, but I'd rather be in a sexual relationship with a woman. Periodically, this switches. They hardly ever sync up. I find this supremely frustrating & confusing.

4. Katy Perry. 'Nough said.

5. I go through phases of liking mostly boys or mostly girls. It's extremely rare that I find myself interested in people from more than one gender at a time. This confuses me (that's nothing new, right?), but it also fills me with guilt because I feel like I'm proving all the bisexual stereotypes I hate so much.

Any other bi folks have similar or other complaints about this particular brand of queerness?

turning

every time I look over my shoulder to see what's at home, I realize that I am my mother. I AM her. People say that they're looking like their mothers, but here I am, with everything (EVERYTHING) the same.
we're cynical
we're of the same opinions on most things
we're photographers
we're queer
we are attracted to the same people
we dress somewhat the same
we act somewhat the same
we like the same food
we're both polyamorous
we have the same bodies (mine minus the same amount of stretch marks, thankfully)
we have the same faces (minus the fact that I have a cleft chin, green eyes & light brown hair to her round chin, hazel eyes & dark brown hair)
the business she runs/owns is the kind I would have if I had to be self-employed
people take us for sisters all the time & hit on us as a pair
or else they think we are lovers who look weirdly similar.

Can't I do anything that does not replicate her? She's incredible, I know, with her perseverance & life story but I'd like to live my own, thank you very much.
at 19 she became pregnant with me, became homeless, got thyroid disease, came out as a dyke, shaved her head (something I did last year...), dropped out of the army, etc.... she & my other mom got together when I was one then split when I was seven. She was hit by a car. She is now running a small business, writing a book, constantly going to physio, finding time to parent for every odd week, keeping 3 or more relationships going, etc...

So where does this leave a teenage delinquent like myself?
in a deep pit of "how the fuck am I going to live up to this."

dream girlfriend

a quirk of an eyebrow
displays the cynical wit
of a woman once fucked, twice shy.

small but controlling,
i tower over, submit to, want, touch, scream.

bought me something sparkly
that slips low & makes her smirk -
she's a tender fox with teeth that shred me
but get gentle on quick request.

nudist in my kitchen
makes a nice surprise to see
skin smoother than the milk,
more delicious than the bacon.

girls in wifebeaters don't beat their wives
as much as they may playfully threaten.

tactile temptress in my bed
armed with literature & a gameboy,
as trash television bounces off her cheeks.

we stand side by side in public
& gleefully watch people wonder:
sisters? best friends?

we carry secrets on the roots of our tongues
& when our mouths meet, i find myself
spilling.

Proposition 8.1

I wrote this song in response to the passing of Proposition 8 in California. Even though same-sex marriage is legal where I live, it still upsets me to no end that the majority of Americans apparently think that queer people should be excluded from their constitutional rights. I had never written a political song before, but this was such an important issue to me that I was compelled to write it.

On my YouTube page, it spawned some interesting discussions & debates about same-sex marriage, which you can read by clicking here. I found it very moving that my fans would stick up for me when I was verbally battling a closed-minded religious zealot on this topic.



Get your religion out of my bed, & I will keep my bed out of your church
All your deception must be in vain; I think it's time to give up your search
For validation of your heart
Validation of your heart

Get your propaganda offa my TV, & I will keep my words out of your ears
I can tell by looking that you're scared of me, & I'm about to validate your fears
For validation of my heart
Validation of my heart

There's a reason why we live in separate places
I don't think we could stand to see each other's faces
You're messing up the world with your lousy legislations
& your half-assed ministrations
Don't control the population
In the name of validation of your heart

Get those cruel words offa your lips, & I will get this song offa mine
There's been enough resistance for you to get the hint: your policies are dying on the vine
Alla these protests, sit-ins & strikes may seem rather rough
But no matter how many ambitions you crush, it'll never ever be enough
For validation of your heart
Validation of your heart
Validation of your heart
Everybody needs a place to start

the girl part 1.

the kind of girl I like wears surf shorts & bikini tops.
the kind of girl I like has nice hair, either beautifully coloured or soft & elegant.
the kind of girl I like smells wonderful.
the kind of girl I like is not adverse to getting out and doing things.
the kind of girl I like appreciates a good horror movie, or action, or Disney.
the kind of girl I like will go along with wherever I drag them.
the kind of girl I like is not afraid to say that she cares for me.
the kind of girl I like makes some first moves.
the kind of girl I like respects grammar.
the kind of girl I like does not coat herself in makeup.
the kind of girl I like does not get embarrassed easily.
the kind of girl I like is knowledgeable.
the kind of girl I like is comedic.
the kind of girl I like causes me to feel almost sick with wanting.
the kind of girl I like has short hair.
the kind of girl I like is a willing model for my photography projects.
the kind of girl I like is non-judgmental.
the kind of girl I like has a talent.
the kind of girl I like is unashamed of who I am, she is, who we are together.
the kind of girl I like will smile when I say nice things to her & vice versa.
the kind of girl I like enjoys the fast ride.
the kind of girl I like has a conscience & is aware.
the kind of girl I like has a heart & is willing to keep it open.

When I knew

It was ninth grade. I had only just begun to settle into my skin. I was changing on the outside (I was newly a brunette, I was wearing makeup regularly for the first time in my life) & on the inside (I had recently started at a new school & was forced to make new friends, a totally foreign concept to me at the time). I wasn't expecting any more big changes - & yet, little did I know, one of the biggest I can imagine was on its way.

That was the year I met Lana*. For the most part, she didn't interest me much at first - she, like all the rest, was searching for something, some labels to stick on herself, to "set herself apart," & the labels she had chosen bored me. All except for one: bisexual. Like many "straight" people, I was fascinated by queerness in any form. I found it intriguing that a person could, at such a young age, know themself that well, & make that information public. I envied Lana's confidence & self-awareness.

I made the classic straightie mistake of assuming that any & all positive interactions with a queer person automatically equaled flirtation. It's possible that Lana was actually flirting with me, but in retrospect, I don't think so. The very same remarks that would have seemed totally "normal" if she were straight ("I love your outfit!" "Can you help me with this essay?" "I'm so nervous for the recital!") were suddenly a danger, a challenge, a gripping plot filled with shocking twists & unsettling turns.

I was writing feverishly in my journal about how strange it was that this girl seemed to be interested in me, when suddenly it hit me: I wanted to flirt back. & not just because it would be funny. As I continued to write & delved progressively deeper into my psyche, I realized I wanted to hold Lana's hand, wanted to kiss her, wanted her to be my girlfriend. The sweaty palms in her presence, the scratchy voice when I tried to speak to her - it all made sense in a riveting flash of light. I stared down at the page before me, & with a clarity I'd never known before, wrote simply: "I am bisexual." The words looked so good to me, & I believed them.

Nothing much happened with Lana. I was still painfully shy at that point, & wasn't quite certain enough that she liked me to do anything about it. She dated some boys, & I got jealous. Summer came & went, & by the time school was back in session, I had no idea what it was about Lana that had made me so crazy for all those months. But I knew I would always remember her, because her questionable advances were what first made me realize a truth of myself that would change & guide my life.

*Name changed to protect my dignity.

Cadence Gaydence Kay Spailface Lee.

What to call me? Cadence, Cadence Lee, Kay, Gaydence. There is a lot of drama surrounding my name (in this I refer to the year in which I did not respond to my actual name at all). Please, read my name before you try to pronounce it (KAY-DEN-CE) or else you'll force me to be cross. & that's not something you necessarily want.

What I identify as? A dyke, gay, a mistake, a kid with nothing to do.

What/Who am I attracted to? I use code-names for all my crushes, except celebrities. Of celebs, there is Tegan Quin & John Barrowman (an exception to the gender attraction rules for me). There is also Gavin, who is the Flickr star of my eye.
In real life? The list of codes goes: New York City (with whom I just broke up), Boston, Canberra, Kathmandu, LA, one person whose code is in song form, London, Cayenne, Milan. There are others, but they were before I started coding. The only ones I'm interested in at the moment are Boston, Cayenne, LA & the song person.

In short, the girls I like are dykey & androgynous with nice legs. Tada.

What are my hobbies/interests? I cook, I take photos, I swim, I run, I bike, I hike, I take after kids, I write, I argue, I dance (interpretive... meaning it's like singing in the shower except with dancing. It's not meant to be good, just fun), I flirt with anything on two legs.

Where do I hang out? In my loft, in the darkroom & photo lab at school, in the sunshine, downtown Toronto, the Danforth with my fellow Muskequeers.

What are my goals/ambitions? To be great, to enjoy life as I'm living it, to travel, to have a nice place to retreat to, to find work & a life & friends & family I enjoy spending time with. A relationship or two or three (at a time).

What am I good at? That depends on who you ask. I like to cook, bake, take photos, write, etc... whether I do those well is not something I can judge.

What are my faults? I am narcissistic, I am brash, I flirt too much, my grammar is terrible. I'm mildly heterophobic, but not so much as I make it seem. I don't hate straight people/their relationships, I just think the world would be better if they were all gay. :)

What music do I love? Tegan & Sara, Bran Van 3000, Alanis Morissette, Bitch & Animal, Cyndi Lauper, Death Cab for Cutie, Kaki King, the Fratellis, Goldfrapp, Kate Nash, Metric, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Regina Spektor.

10 adjectives to describe me? Courageous, Sagittarius, Flirty, Vivacious, Pensive, Extroverted, Lesbian, Pretentious, Purposeful, Kinesthetic.

Introductory Interview: Kate

What should we call you? Kate works just fine, but my fellow muskequeers have been known to call me Sloany (my last name is Sloan), especially to the tune of Nellie McKay's "Clonie." (You may not call me Katie unless granted special permission, thank you.)

What do you identify as? I consider myself bisexual, though that label is largely in question, as you'll learn in future posts.

What/who are you attracted to? Tattooed boys with tall hair, guitar skillz, & a crazy sense of humor. Androgynous or boyish girls with sweet eyes &, if possible, a fauxhawk. John Mayer. Katherine Moennig. Dr Gregory House (but strangely, not Hugh Laurie).

What are your hobbies/interests? I play music (piano, guitar, ukulele), sing, & write songs. At school, I do drama, both scripted & improvised. I take a drawing & painting course, which, though I'm not very good, makes me deliriously happy. I'm a bit of a fashion geek & try to make the way I dress reflect who I am. I do some creative writing & would very much like to do more.

Where do you hang out? School, Starbucks, the Danforth, thrift stores, small independent cafés, my back yard.

What are your life goals/ambitions? I'd like to release a CD of my music. I also want to live in New York, visit Paris, own something by Betsey Johnson, teach music lessons, start up some kind of initiative to help queer youth &/or educate people about sexuality, & fall in love.

What music do you listen to? Tegan & Sara, Death Cab For Cutie, The Softies, Bryce Kulak, John Legend, Nellie McKay, Stacey Kent, John Mayer, Ani DiFranco, KT Tunstall, various musicals (especially Sondheim).

What 10 adjectives describe you? Stubborn, colorful, queer (both senses of the word), creative, lazy, interested, musical, ambitious, reliable, geeky.

Who are we?

Cadence is lesbian spawn, & has just happened to be a dyke herself. She cooks, takes photos & craves what she cannot have.

Kate is a femme bisexual with crazy musical ambitions. She spends most of her time in front of the piano, the computer, &/or her ridiculous cat.

We are students at an arts school in Toronto, Canada. We are all weirdos who like to think, talk & write too much about sexuality. We are... the Three Muskequeers!