Guest Profile: Arena

My name is... Arena, Thommie, Creature, That Weird Girl Who Sits Behind Me In Math... I'm known to respond to pretty much everything.

I indentify as... Bisexual.

I am attracted to... Humans. Especially the Ellen Page kind.

As for hobbies/interests... I love reading, acting, flirting, writing poetry and prose, singing my heart out, sending emails that no one will ever read, chairing my school's GSA, avidly reading PostSecrets and avidly sending in secrets of my own.

I usually hang around... Kabbyo's basement, bookstores, my school's art hall, Katherine's kitchen, the library, the library, Black Market, Alice's bedroom, Criminal Records, Mr Beans, and - although very rarely - my own home.

About my future... It's sort of undecided because my plans shift constantly. Currently, I have a desperate longing to go to U of T for Sexual Diversity Studies, After that, I plan on living in New York for a year because of an Allan Rickman pact I made when I was thirteen. I think after that I'd like to live in the village and hopefully get a job in queer rights activism.

10 adjectives to describe me... Awkward, Nostalgic, Nervous, inquisitive, Romantic, Capricious, Nosy, Humble, Zealous, and Childish.

Minor romantic update

This week I am going on a date. It'll be my first real one in almost two years. And she asked me, so I don't even have anything to feel insecure about. I feel blissfully calm, but at the same time, slightly panicked with nervousness. I think that's how you're supposed to feel at times like these.

When I'm romantically uninvolved, my bisexuality feels uncomfortable, like a shirt that's too tight in the midsection but too loose in the sleeves. The word "but" fills my sentences with self-justification & overexplanation: "Yeah, he's cute, but I still like girls too." "Wow, she's gorgeous... but I'm not gay!" I feel overburdened with the immense bothness of me, the vast expanses over which my sexuality can stretch. I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them who I am - & that's one of the scariest feelings I know.

When I'm dating someone, I feel so much more resolute, finally possessing the ability to say "I have a girlfriend" without exaggeratedly staring at guys, or "I have a boyfriend" without slathering myself in rainbow garb. I'm so focused on that one person that I don't feel the need to advertise my availability to the other sex (or to anyone, for that matter). I no longer have to act bisexual - I just am, but I'm so smitten that my other attractions settle onto the backburner & my crazy fears are quieted.

I'm just going on a date - not sipping sodas with a steady, not breaking out the U-Haul, not getting down on one knee - but I can already feel that romantic comfort & confidence settling into my bones. It feels good.

In your FACE, conventional society!

Just when my quantity of girlcrushes was getting up to "you might want to think about calling yourself a lesbian there, girlie" status...
I develop a killer, ass-kicking, unmistakeable, undeniable, romantisensual, totally real, genuine & true crush on a BOY!
(A biological boy, one who's not in turmoil about his gender, nor is he secretly a girl in any way, shape or form.)
And so, once again, I am at peace with my label.
Hallelujah. Amen.

I'm flattered you think so, but actually, no.

Dear readers, I pose a question to you:
What does it mean to "seem gay"?

I ask because I've been told repeatedly that I do, in fact, seem gay, but few people are able to tell me why. Here are some of the attempts at explanations I've received in the past:
"You are just one of those girls who is not gay but destined to be hit on by girls all their lives."
"Maybe it's all the bright colors you wear? You do seem to really like rainbows."
"You're so involved with the queer community, I just assumed!"

To which my rebuttals usually go something like:
(whiny voice) "But whyyyy?!?"
"Aren't I allowed to like bright colors? It's an aesthetic thing, not a sexual thing."
"Well of course I'm involved in the queer community! I'm bisexual, & 80% of my friends are queer!"

I have no shame surrounding my sexuality. I just don't want males to write me off as a lesbian, especially if I like them, because it limits me, & that is scary. Just as a well-rounded hetero man wants to date both blonde & brunette ladies in his lifetime, a well-rounded bi chick like myself wants to date both men & women in hers.

Many homosexuals, especially femme lesbians, have issues communicating their gayness to the outside world because they simply don't "read as" gay. But what about me, the Kinsey-2 who never seems to "read as" straight, even when she wants to?

I don't know what any of this means, but I'd really like it if one day I figured out the answer to my initial question: Why do I "seem gay"?

Guest profile: Emily

My name is... Emily K

I identify as... bisexual

I am attracted to... a variety of people from cute little femmes to androgynous dykes to tall dark & handsome guys. Also, mysterious, slightly intimidating & humorous personalities. And Blake Lively - drooooool.

As for hobbies/interests... I've liked playing & watching hockey for like 10 years now. But otherwise, piano, composing, drama, vocal, musical theatre, writing, practicing being sneaky, photography, filmmaking (!!!), simple arts and crafts, co-running tech crew and eating sushi.



I usually hang around... What? People or places? For people obviously my enormously dorky group of friends. As for places, school, home, the auditorium (takes a huge part of my life), The Green Beanery cafe, Sobeys and Sonic Boom!

About my future... Well I'm preparing to apply to the universities: Ryerson, Ottawa, Carleton and Queens for English and journalism. Hopefully I'll be able to get a BA or BJourn then move on to a Masters or become a writer or teacher! Yep.

10 adjectives to describe me... Funny (I hope?), musical, sarcastic, realistic, logical, smart, romantic, sneaky, thoughtful, and annoying (yes, very).

Guest profile: Mishi

Mishi has been my best friend for over 10 years now. As soon as this blog came into being, I knew I wanted to feature her on it.



My name is... Mishi.

I identify as... femme bisexual.

I am attracted to... androgynous girls and sophisticated boys. I'm also a sucker for dark hair and glasses. Some of my biggest film crushes were Rhett Butler (Gone with the Wind), Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) and Dimitri (Anastasia, and the only cartoon boy on this list!). I don't have a lot of female film crushes. Most of the girls I like exist in real life.



As for hobbies/interests... I am a huge reader. I love stage combat, wrestling, fashion. I like classic clothing and my favourite colour of the moment is pink. I like to write and draw, and take huge pleasure in art and literature in general. I also love to sing, dance and act. I'm also interested and involved in living an environmentally sustainable lifestyle.

I usually hang around... a few choice cafes, parks and bookstores.

About my future... I don't know exactly what I want to do as a career yet, but my interests provide me with lots of different options. I might like to go into French and English literature, as well as performing.



10 adjectives to describe me... Organized, positive, vibrant, enthusiastic, loving, passionate, poised, pensive, playful, and valiant.

On being a soup can

Timeline of queerness:

Grade 2: First crush (on a boy named Merric). I told Katherine one day across the table that I thought he was cute & she told Kassa & he yelled it to the whole room & Merric never talked to me again. But he didn't talk to me in the first place to no loss.

Grades 5 & 6: Devastating crushes on boys & bullying by catty girls who ended up telling the boys.

Grade 7: Crush on one boy ('Seal'), long & winding progress that led to nothing. He dated my best friend, Camille, & I lost them both at the same time.

Grade 9: Eager to join in on the bisexual vibe at our school, I labelled myself bi-curious even though I thought it was quite a lie. This is when I jokingly started staring at girls' butts as they walked up the stairs. Later that year, I tried on bi-sexual, tired of explaining what bi-curious meant.

Summer between 9/10: Out of nowhere, a rocket of obsession & curiosity for a girl came about. For once, I believed there was something queer about me, it was thrilling.

Grade 10: I started seeing things different ways. I started hanging out with Kate & Chavery part-way through (when they started to like my loser-ness). I got over the girl of the summer, I fell hard for another girl. My first kiss with a girl (the first one that had any meaning) was in November. I'm still not over that. Nothing ended up happening past that point. At some point or another I fell in love with Tegan Quin (ha ha, I am actually wearing this right now http://www.maplemusic.com/product.asp?dept%5Fid=32&pf%5Fid=30%2D158&lang=EN) & somewhere amidst that I started using Lesbian for a label.

Grade 11 -> now: This year has been uneventful in terms of labelling, I have only changed it once. I identify as a dyke if I have to choose something, but there are exceptions. Exceptions like Cayenne & Caen, the two boys in the circle of my affection. Both of whom smiled at me today.
I find I am initially attracted to a girl, to her body. Then to her personality, or else it goes nowhere just falls flat. If I go for a boy, I'm going to fall for effeminate ones, first for their personality, then if or when it progresses, I'll get attracted to their body. It just happens.

So that's my label, that's the journey of it. If anyone remembers something I forgot, some stage along the way, please point it out.
& don't try labelling me bisexual or anything like that. I don't feel like a bisexual, as far as I'm concerned this here is a dyke.
(also, I'm desperately single. aah.)

Something Different

This is a video that has only previously been released as part of a DVD of my concert at Heliconian Hall last year. (There is another one being held in a couple of months - click here for details if you're interested.) I wrote this song about coming out as bisexual - the story, the feelings, the aftermath. This video shows the first time I ever played it in public, which is how I came out to most of my family.



It was the middle of May & I was content just to be myself
Couldn't have paid me to spend a day as anybody else
Stepped out into the world - imagine my surprise:
I looked upon someone special with fresh eyes

It's hard to say these things out loud... but
She was a girl
I was shocked, I couldn't believe
& I thought: well, this is news to me

So I got right back on track, though I didn't know where I was supposed to go
She made me blush, she made me stutter - h-h-h-h-hello
I found out girls are different - they're a lot more free
It's not as much about the chase, or about my body (not that there's very much to see)

It's hard to say these things out loud... but
She was a girl
I was shocked, I couldn't believe
& I thought: what does she think of me?

I thought long & hard about what I should do
Maybe those little smiles meant she liked me too
So I took a chance & told her what I couldn't hide
Let me tell you, it was so exciting, I could've died

& she was a girl
Oh boy, was she a girl
& I learned something 'bout myself that I had never known before
Which is that boys & boys & boys & boys & more boys can get to be a bore
Sometimes I want something different than what I'm used to
& sometimes she is there & she is wanting me too

Bisexual Angst

I don't like the fact that I am bisexual.

Oh, goodness knows I love being queer. I love the scene, the people, the events, the movies, the books, the history, the struggle for equality, the art, the clubs, the implications. But more often than not, I think to myself: I wish I were a lesbian.

I don't know about other bisexuals, but I have many problems with this label. Here are a few of my gripes:

1. I constantly get defensive whenever anyone accuses me of being straight or gay. It terrifies me to think that anyone would assume either way, thereby cutting off my romantic/sexual options. I always feel like I'm balancing on a log which rolls one way or the other, trying desperately to keep myself perfectly poised in the middle. It would be so nice to be able to confidently say, "Yes, I'm straight," or "I'm gay," without having to tediously explain & justify the entire middle ground.

2. Often, bisexuals are not respected by the straight community or the gay community. Either they think we are doing it for attention/going through a phase, or they think we can't commit to a single relationship, or they think we're confused, or all of the above. (Admittedly, I am confused, but that doesn't mean I always will be - & most bisexuals aren't.)

3. Currently, I'd rather be in a romantic relationship with a man, but I'd rather be in a sexual relationship with a woman. Periodically, this switches. They hardly ever sync up. I find this supremely frustrating & confusing.

4. Katy Perry. 'Nough said.

5. I go through phases of liking mostly boys or mostly girls. It's extremely rare that I find myself interested in people from more than one gender at a time. This confuses me (that's nothing new, right?), but it also fills me with guilt because I feel like I'm proving all the bisexual stereotypes I hate so much.

Any other bi folks have similar or other complaints about this particular brand of queerness?