Timeline of queerness:
Grade 2: First crush (on a boy named Merric). I told Katherine one day across the table that I thought he was cute & she told Kassa & he yelled it to the whole room & Merric never talked to me again. But he didn't talk to me in the first place to no loss.
Grades 5 & 6: Devastating crushes on boys & bullying by catty girls who ended up telling the boys.
Grade 7: Crush on one boy ('Seal'), long & winding progress that led to nothing. He dated my best friend, Camille, & I lost them both at the same time.
Grade 9: Eager to join in on the bisexual vibe at our school, I labelled myself bi-curious even though I thought it was quite a lie. This is when I jokingly started staring at girls' butts as they walked up the stairs. Later that year, I tried on bi-sexual, tired of explaining what bi-curious meant.
Summer between 9/10: Out of nowhere, a rocket of obsession & curiosity for a girl came about. For once, I believed there was something queer about me, it was thrilling.
Grade 10: I started seeing things different ways. I started hanging out with Kate & Chavery part-way through (when they started to like my loser-ness). I got over the girl of the summer, I fell hard for another girl. My first kiss with a girl (the first one that had any meaning) was in November. I'm still not over that. Nothing ended up happening past that point. At some point or another I fell in love with Tegan Quin (ha ha, I am actually wearing this right now http://www.maplemusic.com/product.asp?dept%5Fid=32&pf%5Fid=30%2D158&lang=EN) & somewhere amidst that I started using Lesbian for a label.
Grade 11 -> now: This year has been uneventful in terms of labelling, I have only changed it once. I identify as a dyke if I have to choose something, but there are exceptions. Exceptions like Cayenne & Caen, the two boys in the circle of my affection. Both of whom smiled at me today.
I find I am initially attracted to a girl, to her body. Then to her personality, or else it goes nowhere just falls flat. If I go for a boy, I'm going to fall for effeminate ones, first for their personality, then if or when it progresses, I'll get attracted to their body. It just happens.
So that's my label, that's the journey of it. If anyone remembers something I forgot, some stage along the way, please point it out.
& don't try labelling me bisexual or anything like that. I don't feel like a bisexual, as far as I'm concerned this here is a dyke.
(also, I'm desperately single. aah.)
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First of all, wow.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot to learn.
What is it with your need to label yourself anything.
I'm also not entirely sure dyke....is the right label for you...but i could really give a fuck.
I mean i think labelling is stupid, but at least know what the meanings are.
Also, you don't simply label yourself bi, if you aren't. That is stupid. You don't try on a label. You don't try on anything. You go with how you feel, which is clearly something you don't really understand. I have been with boys and girls. & because of my severe dislike of labels, i decided that i will like who i like, and keep 'em all guessing. Labels don't exist, what goes on in your heart is real. Stop focusing so much on this trivial bullshit about "oh im a dyke, but i like guys..am i bi?...no wait im straght!" fuck that/ it's pointless. be who you are. That is your label.
I forgot to mention the part about "I like who I like & that's the gist of it" while I was saying that if I am pressured into going into detail I will identify as a dyke if they feel they really need to know.
ReplyDeleteThe situation is beyond labels, I have grasped that by now, that's what this is (trying) to say. I didn't know they was a possibility beyond labels until this year.
I don't think it's fair to say "you don't try on a label." Because many, many, many people do. Often that's the only way to see if it fits.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's fair to judge others for how they come upon the label(s) that they finally choose, if indeed they choose any at all.
Also, it is a person's right to choose which label(s) they use, if any.
ReplyDeleteIf Cadence wants to call herself a dyke, it's no one's place but her own to question whether that is accurate or not.
You can be a straight-identified lesbian, a trans-identified bisexual, a lesbian-identified man, whatever. We have to respect what people choose to call themselves, because that is how they see themselves, & how they wish to be seen.
hm, you totally don't get it. nvm.
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