When first I saw your small, expressive face,
I knew it was to be a great romance.
Rebelled against my given social place,
And asked you, sweetly, meekly, to the dance.
And so we went; my crush grew through the spring.
You brought me roses; I began to fall.
I’d heard that love was such a fickle thing
But I could scarcely feel the slightest squall.
Then when, in autumn, you did subtly stray,
I took the high road, trying to forgive –
But you were mean, and made my world turn grey;
That winter was as long as love would live.
And so it was: a year from lust to rust,
Where love goes ash to ash and dust to dust.
Monday, October 19, 2009
three-way date
brought together through music we were
a trio who could not would not
cease to sing. made toonies by the handful
on a gently indifferent street corner
in the middle of the
city. you were so beautiful
in the light of the lamp bringing me back to
the old days of falling in love with voices
and loveliness and love. and you
and he and i made a team so stunning
that policemen stopped on their beats
and chose not to ticket
the unauthorized busking band.
when night came and you liked him and
he liked me and i liked him and you and
we liked each other best, we ordered
three hot chocolates in the shop across the
street and shared a few silent warm moments
where there was only the triangular forcefield
making its message clear: this is
a three-way date, something you've never done
before and probably will never do again.
split your smile three paths in an elegant fork
and see it verge on merging, then merge
in the form of a song
that makes us more money the more we play.
each of us has both an instrument to wail on
and some love to pass on. we are not stingy
with our tender donations to this
band-becoming-something-else-something-more.
passersby can see the chemistry
forming in the clouds made by our hot breath
on the cold air. fingerless mittens and
out-of-tune strings. make this never stop.
make this never cease. make this never
end.
a trio who could not would not
cease to sing. made toonies by the handful
on a gently indifferent street corner
in the middle of the
city. you were so beautiful
in the light of the lamp bringing me back to
the old days of falling in love with voices
and loveliness and love. and you
and he and i made a team so stunning
that policemen stopped on their beats
and chose not to ticket
the unauthorized busking band.
when night came and you liked him and
he liked me and i liked him and you and
we liked each other best, we ordered
three hot chocolates in the shop across the
street and shared a few silent warm moments
where there was only the triangular forcefield
making its message clear: this is
a three-way date, something you've never done
before and probably will never do again.
split your smile three paths in an elegant fork
and see it verge on merging, then merge
in the form of a song
that makes us more money the more we play.
each of us has both an instrument to wail on
and some love to pass on. we are not stingy
with our tender donations to this
band-becoming-something-else-something-more.
passersby can see the chemistry
forming in the clouds made by our hot breath
on the cold air. fingerless mittens and
out-of-tune strings. make this never stop.
make this never cease. make this never
end.
Monday, October 12, 2009
hey, i like you
when i smile i smile with all my might
when i touch i touch with all my soul
when i laugh i laugh because it's funny
when i'm with you i notice i feel whole
when you wake up, do you think of me?
am i in your dreams when you're asleep?
i'm so damn shy i can't just ask you out
i send the signals but i do not make a peep
is that okay? are you confused?
when you go away, is it because you're bruised?
one of these days i'm gonna march right up
& say "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
why is that so hard? it should be so easy
i overanalyze every little thing
now i know that eye contact can be the devil's tool
& every time we do, i feel a ZING
one of these days i'm gonna march right up
& say "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
love ain't free, i know that now
you gotta risk to make it happen
love ain't cheap, i see that now
i took a risk, & look what happened
i'm so happy that i marched right up
& said, "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
when i touch i touch with all my soul
when i laugh i laugh because it's funny
when i'm with you i notice i feel whole
when you wake up, do you think of me?
am i in your dreams when you're asleep?
i'm so damn shy i can't just ask you out
i send the signals but i do not make a peep
is that okay? are you confused?
when you go away, is it because you're bruised?
one of these days i'm gonna march right up
& say "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
why is that so hard? it should be so easy
i overanalyze every little thing
now i know that eye contact can be the devil's tool
& every time we do, i feel a ZING
one of these days i'm gonna march right up
& say "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
love ain't free, i know that now
you gotta risk to make it happen
love ain't cheap, i see that now
i took a risk, & look what happened
i'm so happy that i marched right up
& said, "hey, i like you - do you wanna go out sometime?"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Love letter
Dear __________,
Questions remain closed
but ready to be opened.
May I kiss you?
Would you like to go out sometime?
How do you feel about becoming my Boyfriend?
I tell dreamland stories
of tender embraces &
joint-custody journals.
One day I'll buy you
my favorite album & a
slice of pie & we'll
dance dance dance.
Candy, massages, photobooths,
impromptu public makeout sessions,
handholding without being asked,
chivalry without being told -
we'll do it all.
Thoughts become things but
these thoughts are particularly tricky.
I find myself floating away
from classes & mundane existence
to my reserved space between your
arms & your chest. So perfect.
I could be happy forever.
This is all I want.
Madly in like with you,
Kate
Questions remain closed
but ready to be opened.
May I kiss you?
Would you like to go out sometime?
How do you feel about becoming my Boyfriend?
I tell dreamland stories
of tender embraces &
joint-custody journals.
One day I'll buy you
my favorite album & a
slice of pie & we'll
dance dance dance.
Candy, massages, photobooths,
impromptu public makeout sessions,
handholding without being asked,
chivalry without being told -
we'll do it all.
Thoughts become things but
these thoughts are particularly tricky.
I find myself floating away
from classes & mundane existence
to my reserved space between your
arms & your chest. So perfect.
I could be happy forever.
This is all I want.
Madly in like with you,
Kate
slowly look
dark chocolate eyes
drip sex & expectation
moony, solitary
slowly slowly slowly
i can't
look
away.
your beauty is entrapment,
dark hurricane skies,
but safe, &
slowly simply slowly
i can't look
long enough.
drink you in &
gasp with glee
manifesting deep,
slowly simply sweetly
strangling & stifling
i can't look
at you in public
(scared of my own crazed reactions)
but i do.
drip sex & expectation
moony, solitary
slowly slowly slowly
i can't
look
away.
your beauty is entrapment,
dark hurricane skies,
but safe, &
slowly simply slowly
i can't look
long enough.
drink you in &
gasp with glee
manifesting deep,
slowly simply sweetly
strangling & stifling
i can't look
at you in public
(scared of my own crazed reactions)
but i do.
checklist of potential romantic awesomeness
IDEAL PARTNER QUALITIES
can (& does) make me laugh
as smart as, or smarter than, me
I feel like I can learn from them
gives me heart palpitations & stomach butterflies
has their own independent artsy projects
likes my music & doesn't mind me writing songs about them
good taste in music/movies/TV/books
positive/optimistic worldview
supportive of my endeavours
verbally & physically affectionate
appreciates my aesthetic efforts (clothes, makeup, etc.)
makes an effort/takes initiative
likes to go to plays, concerts, shows, etc.
can give & receive compliments
can give & receive material gifts
not self-important, but not self-deprecating
kind/sweet/nice
sociopolitically liberal/democratic
chivalrous/willing to make sacrifices/co-operative
listens to me!
verbally/emotionally expressive
not easily embarrassed
likes to cuddle/spoon/sleep in the same bed
has an interesting/unique way of thinking
keeps up with current events, or at least entertainment news
protects me/makes me feel safe
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Autumn Romance
One of my friends told me that to fall into crushland & romances in the autumn (begone, Ataris) is only natural what with the fact that we're mammals & designed to procreate to make spring babies.
& I am no exception; in grade 9 right by labour day I went to a wakeboarding competition & kissed a boy I liked up until his lips kissed mine.
In grade 10 I had my first girl kiss (which you've heard about too much now) & my growing standard is already pretty high.
Last year I had a brief but dizzy relationship with a chimney (she smoked like one) in the growing cold. She teased me about wearing tights & canvas shoes in late October weather when my teeth chattered then lent me her smoky pashmina. We kissed in the leaves behind bushes & in ravines where we could be secretive. She never gave me any speech about breaking up just started ignoring me then she went on to date another friend of mine & they are still happily together (living together, actually). I'm happy for them & I still tease her about anything that comes to mind.
On Halloween I had a heartfelt encounter with an unavailable girl who subsequently shacked up with me soon after. A lot of boundaries were crossed & eventually a 2.5 month thing dissolved when she couldn't stand certain flirtatious aspects of my character. She dated an enemy & stopped speaking to me. We have reconciled but I can't bring myself to look her in the eye.
Now the last crush I've had was in July & there are no new prospects. Where is my autumn romance?
& I am no exception; in grade 9 right by labour day I went to a wakeboarding competition & kissed a boy I liked up until his lips kissed mine.
In grade 10 I had my first girl kiss (which you've heard about too much now) & my growing standard is already pretty high.
Last year I had a brief but dizzy relationship with a chimney (she smoked like one) in the growing cold. She teased me about wearing tights & canvas shoes in late October weather when my teeth chattered then lent me her smoky pashmina. We kissed in the leaves behind bushes & in ravines where we could be secretive. She never gave me any speech about breaking up just started ignoring me then she went on to date another friend of mine & they are still happily together (living together, actually). I'm happy for them & I still tease her about anything that comes to mind.
On Halloween I had a heartfelt encounter with an unavailable girl who subsequently shacked up with me soon after. A lot of boundaries were crossed & eventually a 2.5 month thing dissolved when she couldn't stand certain flirtatious aspects of my character. She dated an enemy & stopped speaking to me. We have reconciled but I can't bring myself to look her in the eye.
Now the last crush I've had was in July & there are no new prospects. Where is my autumn romance?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm: a haiku review
arguably, our
orgasms are our most strange
physiology.
who knew they had a
history? well, of course they
must. so i read this.
the author's thesis:
testosterone can drive us
to some crazy shit.
from prehistoric
cavemen to victorian
prudes, sex remains big.
different cultures
have different sex beliefs
that seem odd to us.
furthermore, fuck off
if you still think women have
less sex drive! bullshit.
reading this convinced
me that men invent stories
to conceal failure.
please buy this book now!
it is bold, innovative,
& very saucy. ;)
Improv Has Become My Aphrodisiac
Lately I've been really really into improv.
I mean, I took the course last year, & that's when & how I got good at it, but if that was sticking my toe into the puddle, what I'm doing now is a massive splashy cannonball into the lake of improvisational theatre.
How does this relate to sexuality & relationships, you might ask?
Well, for one thing, basically all the boys who do improv are unreasonably cute. I don't know why this is. It's one of the great mysteries of my life so far, not that I'm complaining (oh boy, am I not complaining).
Secondly, beyond being physically attractive to an often freakish degree, a lot of, if not all skilled improvisors possess all of the following qualities: intelligence, fabulous humour, a deep sense of empathy, & excellent listening skills.
So imagine a room full of adorable people with all those attributes... & me, a part of the circle like everyone else, feeling totally & completely at home in a sea of loveliness.
Now, obviously I'm not just doing improv for the cuteness. In fact, prospective seductees are about eighth or ninth on my list of Why I Am So Fucking In Love With Improv I Can Hardly Breathe When I Think About It. But certainly, it's an advantage. Maybe you should consider paying a visit to your local improvisational theatre (or moving to Chicago).
I mean, I took the course last year, & that's when & how I got good at it, but if that was sticking my toe into the puddle, what I'm doing now is a massive splashy cannonball into the lake of improvisational theatre.
How does this relate to sexuality & relationships, you might ask?
Well, for one thing, basically all the boys who do improv are unreasonably cute. I don't know why this is. It's one of the great mysteries of my life so far, not that I'm complaining (oh boy, am I not complaining).
Secondly, beyond being physically attractive to an often freakish degree, a lot of, if not all skilled improvisors possess all of the following qualities: intelligence, fabulous humour, a deep sense of empathy, & excellent listening skills.
So imagine a room full of adorable people with all those attributes... & me, a part of the circle like everyone else, feeling totally & completely at home in a sea of loveliness.
Now, obviously I'm not just doing improv for the cuteness. In fact, prospective seductees are about eighth or ninth on my list of Why I Am So Fucking In Love With Improv I Can Hardly Breathe When I Think About It. But certainly, it's an advantage. Maybe you should consider paying a visit to your local improvisational theatre (or moving to Chicago).
Monday, August 31, 2009
Minor romantic update
This week I am going on a date. It'll be my first real one in almost two years. And she asked me, so I don't even have anything to feel insecure about. I feel blissfully calm, but at the same time, slightly panicked with nervousness. I think that's how you're supposed to feel at times like these.
When I'm romantically uninvolved, my bisexuality feels uncomfortable, like a shirt that's too tight in the midsection but too loose in the sleeves. The word "but" fills my sentences with self-justification & overexplanation: "Yeah, he's cute, but I still like girls too." "Wow, she's gorgeous... but I'm not gay!" I feel overburdened with the immense bothness of me, the vast expanses over which my sexuality can stretch. I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them who I am - & that's one of the scariest feelings I know.
When I'm dating someone, I feel so much more resolute, finally possessing the ability to say "I have a girlfriend" without exaggeratedly staring at guys, or "I have a boyfriend" without slathering myself in rainbow garb. I'm so focused on that one person that I don't feel the need to advertise my availability to the other sex (or to anyone, for that matter). I no longer have to act bisexual - I just am, but I'm so smitten that my other attractions settle onto the backburner & my crazy fears are quieted.
I'm just going on a date - not sipping sodas with a steady, not breaking out the U-Haul, not getting down on one knee - but I can already feel that romantic comfort & confidence settling into my bones. It feels good.
When I'm romantically uninvolved, my bisexuality feels uncomfortable, like a shirt that's too tight in the midsection but too loose in the sleeves. The word "but" fills my sentences with self-justification & overexplanation: "Yeah, he's cute, but I still like girls too." "Wow, she's gorgeous... but I'm not gay!" I feel overburdened with the immense bothness of me, the vast expanses over which my sexuality can stretch. I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them who I am - & that's one of the scariest feelings I know.
When I'm dating someone, I feel so much more resolute, finally possessing the ability to say "I have a girlfriend" without exaggeratedly staring at guys, or "I have a boyfriend" without slathering myself in rainbow garb. I'm so focused on that one person that I don't feel the need to advertise my availability to the other sex (or to anyone, for that matter). I no longer have to act bisexual - I just am, but I'm so smitten that my other attractions settle onto the backburner & my crazy fears are quieted.
I'm just going on a date - not sipping sodas with a steady, not breaking out the U-Haul, not getting down on one knee - but I can already feel that romantic comfort & confidence settling into my bones. It feels good.
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