I miss that goddamn nuisance.

WARNING: This post contains information about menstruation (GASP!), so if you are not into that, leave now, rather than writing me rude comments later. Thanks.

I have an ovarian cyst.
This means I only have about six periods each year, on average.
Right now it's June & I haven't had one since February.

For me, there is a certain amount of shame associated with telling other girls & women about this - not because I'm embarrassed about my physical condition, but because their immediate reaction is almost always, "You haven't had a period in ____ months? You're so lucky!!"

Here are three reasons my ovarian cyst does not, in fact, make me "lucky":

1. At any moment, it could be twisting around my ovary on the slow path to an explosive medical mishap that would land me a spot in the emergency room. The only way to monitor the cyst is to do these incredibly aggravating pelvic ultrasounds every once in a while. Let me tell you, one pelvic ultrasound is one too many.

2. When I do menstruate, it tends to be heavy (2 or 3 DivaCups' worth each day), last a long time (my record is 14 days; the average is about 6), & be riddled with cramps & emotional imbalance.

3. When it's been a long time since I've bled, I actually start to miss it. I feel like I'm missing out on a key part of my femininity by menstruating so rarely. I feel disconnected from my pure, primal womanhood, like I'm not really a member of the club, not really a strong, beautiful, healthy, sexy woman. Not to mention, I love my DivaCup & it bums me out that I don't have even more opportunities to use it to do good for the environment & for my body!

So no, I'm not "lucky" just because I menstruate less often than you. Stop making me feel like a spoiled brat for having a legitimate medical problem. If you're determined to be jealous of me, I'm sure you can find better, less offensive reasons! ;P