Autumn Romance

One of my friends told me that to fall into crushland & romances in the autumn (begone, Ataris) is only natural what with the fact that we're mammals & designed to procreate to make spring babies.

& I am no exception; in grade 9 right by labour day I went to a wakeboarding competition & kissed a boy I liked up until his lips kissed mine.

In grade 10 I had my first girl kiss (which you've heard about too much now) & my growing standard is already pretty high.

Last year I had a brief but dizzy relationship with a chimney (she smoked like one) in the growing cold. She teased me about wearing tights & canvas shoes in late October weather when my teeth chattered then lent me her smoky pashmina. We kissed in the leaves behind bushes & in ravines where we could be secretive. She never gave me any speech about breaking up just started ignoring me then she went on to date another friend of mine & they are still happily together (living together, actually). I'm happy for them & I still tease her about anything that comes to mind.

On Halloween I had a heartfelt encounter with an unavailable girl who subsequently shacked up with me soon after. A lot of boundaries were crossed & eventually a 2.5 month thing dissolved when she couldn't stand certain flirtatious aspects of my character. She dated an enemy & stopped speaking to me. We have reconciled but I can't bring myself to look her in the eye.

Now the last crush I've had was in July & there are no new prospects. Where is my autumn romance?

O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm: a haiku review

arguably, our
orgasms are our most strange
physiology.

who knew they had a
history? well, of course they
must. so i read this.

the author's thesis:
testosterone can drive us
to some crazy shit.

from prehistoric
cavemen to victorian
prudes, sex remains big.

different cultures
have different sex beliefs
that seem odd to us.

furthermore, fuck off
if you still think women have
less sex drive! bullshit.

reading this convinced
me that men invent stories
to conceal failure.

please buy this book now!
it is bold, innovative,
& very saucy. ;)

Improv Has Become My Aphrodisiac

Lately I've been really really into improv.

I mean, I took the course last year, & that's when & how I got good at it, but if that was sticking my toe into the puddle, what I'm doing now is a massive splashy cannonball into the lake of improvisational theatre.

How does this relate to sexuality & relationships, you might ask?

Well, for one thing, basically all the boys who do improv are unreasonably cute. I don't know why this is. It's one of the great mysteries of my life so far, not that I'm complaining (oh boy, am I not complaining).

Secondly, beyond being physically attractive to an often freakish degree, a lot of, if not all skilled improvisors possess all of the following qualities: intelligence, fabulous humour, a deep sense of empathy, & excellent listening skills.

So imagine a room full of adorable people with all those attributes... & me, a part of the circle like everyone else, feeling totally & completely at home in a sea of loveliness.

Now, obviously I'm not just doing improv for the cuteness. In fact, prospective seductees are about eighth or ninth on my list of Why I Am So Fucking In Love With Improv I Can Hardly Breathe When I Think About It. But certainly, it's an advantage. Maybe you should consider paying a visit to your local improvisational theatre (or moving to Chicago).